As some of you know I have two vaccine injured children. The oldest manifested in increadibly low immunity and severe respiritory problems. The second oldest was born with an encephalitic scream, I myself had a troubling reaction to the flu vaccine while in my third trimester with him. He went through a gambit of symptoms (that shriek that seemed unending, headbanging, biting, night terrors, rocking, repetative speach, tics, etc) that I never realized were associated with vaccine reaction until he was passed his second birthday when his behavior reached its apex. Doctors offered meds that I had seen do horrible things to adults and knew that was not an option for us, so I started studying everything I could get my hands on for alternative treatments for ADD and Autism, and we began our journey.
We have been fighting this uphill battle for six years now. Each treatment method we have tried has made an improvement of varying degree for him. We have made more lifestyle changes than I can count. We are finally making the final step. He was given a supplement by his naturopath that helps him produce and process seritonin which he cannot do on his own because of the neurological damage that was done.
Just over two months he has been on this protocol, he has been doing amazing. All of a sudden he seems like a "typical" eight year old, with normal fears, normal energy levels, normal interactions. And then we ran out of his supplement a week ago.
I should have seen it coming really but I had gotten very comfortable in this peaceful existance without all the turmoil that I let my guard down. I didn't realize that as the supplement processed out of his system he could regress so quickly, but it did. He went from a sleeping schedule that had finally evened out to not being able to settle at night, not being able to wake in the mornings. Then came the anxiety and lashing out. Little things first; a small stone tossed at me out of frustration, a stick thrown because his feeling were hurt.
Today, all of a sudden, it was a volcanic explosion, the likes of which I have not seen since he was three. He has grown quite a bit since he was three, and he's much more rugged than your average eight year old, and I was simply not prepared. I should have seen the signs; the toy taken from the baby and thrown while we were walking around Target, the heavy breathing. By the time we got to checkout (a matter of minutes) he was shoving the shopping cart around. By the time we got out the door he started kicking me. Normally it would have been easy to restrain him, and hold him till he was calm enough to go, but today I was wearing the toddler on my back and had a baby in a carriage I was trying to keep a hand on. He got out of my arms and hit me in the face. The whole time he is still kicking me in the shins and knees.
Anyone who has ever been through this knows how hard it is mentally and physically to have this child you love attacking as you try to protect yourself, everyone around you, and especially the child who is out of control. I have always stayed calm and collected out of necessity to defuse these situations, but today I had a moment of weakness and I just could not stop the tears that came. Right there in front of the sliding doors at Target, holding my sweet boy as he thrashed and struggled to regain control, humiliating myself. Even more rediculous I was praying the whole time that no one walking by would misunderstand and think I was harming my child. My prayer was answered. As I was trying to get a still flailing boy and a carriage out of the way of a mother and two boys entering the store. She got to the entrance and turned back to me and asked if she could help me back to my car, turns out she has a child with similar needs. Others had passed me by, not knowing how to help, or just not wanting to interfer, of which I am glad. I don't want someone to interfer in a situation like that if they are just going to get in the way or escalate the situation. But this mom KNEW. And she helped. I thanked her, but if you have ever experienced a scenario like this you know a "thank you" is not enough. She has her own family and problems, she did not have to get involved but as I was sobbing in the car with the kids finally loaded, and the situation resolved because there are no extra people in the car (his biggest anxiety trigger - crowds), I was thanking God that she was the woman who had crossed my path at that moment, and not someone who didn't understand.
I know I am very lucky, many children are injured far worse than my son, their families lives changed forever in ways they could never have predicted. Yet they continue on with their chins held high, not having mental breakdowns in front of Target over a tantrum. I solute the women who live it everyday, with no two month reprieve, because the children won't respond to treatment, yet they still search for one that will work. The women who sacrifice their "normal" lives for the difficult endless days with children they just want to see come back to them. The women who will not give up hope.
And the woman at Target, who stopped to help another mom at a low moment....I salute you.
